Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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