Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
