Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
