WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
