So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
