Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
