I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
