I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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