the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
