Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
