Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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