My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just forgot I was standing up.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
