May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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