she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
