Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
