hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
40s are totally the cure
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
