I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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