Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize