I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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