he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
