Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
