Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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