I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
