the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize