It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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