thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize