dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Duck Duck Cougar?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
