fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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