I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You made out with two different species that night
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
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