i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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