Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
