That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
