..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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