"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
