it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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