I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
