I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize