she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
