You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
