I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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