would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
