After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
