Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
