There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
