did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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