Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
