i would punch a child for taco bell
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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