Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
