Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
