i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize
