Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Randomize
