Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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