I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
