just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
