Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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