it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Randomize