I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
