I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
