Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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