Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
