you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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