Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
