Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
