i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
