oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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