i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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