New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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