I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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