sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
